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Joe Fay

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Joe Fay is group editor of The Register, and The Channel.
Wagyu Bull

FT journo roasts channel leaders for spouting bullshit

Canalys Channels Forum 2016 The great and the good of the channel were chastised and chided at Channels Forum this week, as Financial Times management columnist Lucy Kellaway called on them to lay off the bullshit and waffle for the sake of humanity. FT associate editor Kellaway told the closing session at the Canalys Channels Forum that the tide of …
Joe Fay, 07 Oct 2016

'Too big to fail' cloud giants like AWS threaten civilization as we know it

Canalys Channels Forum 2016 The world’s largest cloud players are in danger of becoming too big to fail, the boss of Canalys warned today. This is a problem because the list of potential trip hazards for the likes of Azure, AWS and Google is growing ever longer – and at least one of them is going to stumble and fall, taking customers' off-premises …
Joe Fay, 04 Oct 2016

Artificial intelligence will eradicate channel drudgery, says Lenovo boss

Canalys Channels Forum 2016 Artificial intelligence will make the tech channel a happier place by removing much of the tedious grinding interaction that poisons relationships between vendors, distributors and partners, Lenovo’s boss claimed today. Lenovo COO Gianfranco Lanci told the audience at Canalys Channels Forum that the firm was examining how to …
Joe Fay, 04 Oct 2016
Michael Dell, photo: Dell

Cloud will NOT eat the tech industry, Michael Dell declares

Canalys Channels Forum 2016 Michael Dell shrugged off the threat from the public cloud this morning, suggesting that many users will eventually realise running a server on Amazon is a lot more expensive than actually owning one. The Dell Technologies chairman, speaking on stage at the opening of the Canalys Channels Forum EMEA, said the current hype …
Joe Fay, 04 Oct 2016
Paul O' Grady poses with a small dog.

Apple moving to scrubbed up London's Battersea Power Station

Apple is moving into a shiny new HQ at the revamped Battersea Power Station in London – just as soon as developers have finished wrecking rebuilding the iconic Southside brick masterpiece. The owners of the building site have said that Apple will take “ six floors of office space” at the site from 2021, relocating 1400 staff …
Joe Fay, 28 Sep 2016

Intel drafts in troubleshooting veteran for CFO slot

Intel has hired veteran tech CFO and sometime troubleshooter Bob Swan to take over from long-time numbers supremo Stacy Smith. Swan, or to give him his full press release name, Robert “Bob” H Swan, joins from equity outfit General Atlantic, where he was an operating partner. Stacy Smith, “as previously announced, is taking a …
Joe Fay, 20 Sep 2016
Privacy image

Intel adds vision to its AI vision with computer vision firm buyout

Intel is not just content to build the silicon brains that will power the Rise of the Machines – it is bidding to own their eyes too, with the acquisition of computer vision developer Movidius. Movidius is 11 years old, having been founded in Dublin and transplanted to San Mateo. No price was disclosed, but the 140-strong firm …
Joe Fay, 06 Sep 2016
Asus S1

Mobile malaise drags down Asus Q2 numbers

Asus has reported a double digit slide in net income for the fourth quarter, highlighting that even overtaking Apple in the computer sales stakes is no golden ticket to world domination. The netbooks and bikinis innovator turned in Q2 net revenues of $NT93.9bn (£2.3bn), a 5 per cent slip on the same period last year, results …
Joe Fay, 12 Aug 2016

Google and Microsoft are playing catchup with AWS's cloudy power

AWS continues to dominate the cloud infrastructure market but Microsoft and Google are growing faster than the book-punting behemoth, research from Canalys shows. None of which will be much comfort to the hardware vendors who have been wrong-footed by the speed at which the cloud has been embraced by their traditional business …
Joe Fay, 29 Jul 2016

Atlassian looks at StatusPage, reaches for wallet

Atlassian has made its first buy since raising $462m in its December IPO, snapping up StatusPage. StatusPage, which is barely three years old, is described as "the leader in status and incident communication." More particularly, it offers a hosted service for status pages covering incidents, scheduled maintenance and the like …
Joe Fay, 14 Jul 2016

IBM caps '20 years' of deep MS love with Surface deal

IBM has become the latest sometime hardware giant to agree to push software giant Microsoft’s client hardware - years after selling off its own client devices business. MS device marketing general manager Brian Hall said in a blog post that IBM had joined the Surface Enterprise Initiative along with consultancy and contracting …
Joe Fay, 12 Jul 2016
 CRAY-1 on display in the hallways of the EPFL in Lausanne.

Cray explores options for supercomputing-as-a-service

Cray is exploring options to offer supercomputing "as a service", but don’t expect AWS to be offering the venerable vendor’s number-crunching monsters online anytime soon. Rather, the company is looking at ways it can offer its technology as a service, which if nothing else potentially relieves customers of at least some of …
Joe Fay, 27 Jun 2016
Terminator head

Baidu tech chief: AI smart enough to take our jobs, not our lives. Yet

ISC (RotM) Artificial intelligence is about to transform society in the same way electricity did 100 years ago, but researchers are nowhere near producing the sort of self-aware sociopathic systems beloved of sci-fi writers. At least that’s what Andrew Ng, Silicon Valley-based chief scientist at Chinese Web giant Baidu, when he kicked …
Joe Fay, 20 Jun 2016

Queen's birthday honours shower knighthoods and gongs on tech's finest

The UK IT industry was plunged into paroxysms of modesty, humility and genuine self-effacement today, as the PRs got to work in the wake of the Queen’s birthday honours list. Tech luminaries made a good showing this year, from the lower rungs of BEMs and MBEs right up to dizzying heights of knighthoods. On which note, arise …
Joe Fay, 13 Jun 2016

Trad software sales type looking for a break? Atlassian shrugs

Most new companies are likely to opt for cloud-based software, the president of Atlassian said today. And that might just bring a tear to the eye of traditional IT sales bods, given that the company had grown to its $117.9m Q3 revenue off 57,000 companies, without ever having a fleet of besuited sales types. The JIRA and …
Joe Fay, 24 May 2016

Micro Focus spends $540m to add Serena its software brand museum

Micro Focus International is splashing out $540m to scoop up Serena Software – or more specifically, its recurring maintenance revenues, to add to its stable of once great, now slightly dusty software brands. LSE-listed mainframe specialist Micro Focus is simultaneously raising $216m in a placing to help pay for the deal, …
Joe Fay, 22 Mar 2016

Computacenter eyes investment plans for growing cash mountain

Computacenter's centre of gravity shifted eastwards in 2015, as the mega reseller’s German operation fired on all cylinders while its UK box-shifting business sputtered. At the same time, its CEO and chairman both seemed to suggested it could be looking even further afield as it ponders what to do with its enormous cash pile …
Joe Fay, 11 Mar 2016
Toilet roll printed with fake US $100 bills

Bill Gates can’t give it away... Still crazy rich after all these years

Tech billionaires dominate the upper reaches of the Forbes Rich list this year, which proves that while he’s good at many things, Bill Gates just ain’t cutting it at throwing away cash. Gates came in top again, with a whopping $75bn fortune. The second spot is taken by Zara boss Amancio Ortega, with $67bn, while Warren Buffett …
Joe Fay, 02 Mar 2016

Like those independent DevOps vendors? They might not be for long...

Enjoy those scrappy IOT and DevOps startups while you can, as many will not be able to resist the siren call of cash rich traditional vendors or the stock market this year, 451 Research has predicted. The analyst firm’s Tech M&A Outlook report has predicted “billions in investment” in a number of hotspot technology areas. This …
Joe Fay, 25 Feb 2016

You say you're an Ansible expert, wise guy? Come and prove it

App automation bods Ansible will launch a formal training and certification program in May, making it a little easier for employers to work out who really does know their onions when it comes to the continuous delivery platform. Companies are reportedly looking for expertise in skills like DevOps, Automation, and Continuous …
Joe Fay, 24 Feb 2016
SAP logo

SAP’s Byzantine licensing leaves its customers feeling exposed

SAP’s complex and “opaque” licensing conditions means the majority of its users think they are exposed to “incalculable” financial risks when third parties dip into their systems. A survey of German SAP user group members by SAM specialist SecurIntegration showed that over half thought they were “possibly” or “very probably” …
Joe Fay, 19 Feb 2016
Plate spinning routine by Henrik Bothe

Cloudbees banks on Jenkins 2.0 to help double revs this year

Cloudbees is looking to build out its services partner lineup as it banks on further growth in the enterprise space this year, when the Jenkins platform it bases its business on finally hits version 2.0. The continuous delivery specialist delivered an update yesterday in which it hailed the signing of 13 new partners in the …
Joe Fay, 29 Jan 2016

Apple’s retail chief: ‘Touching customers’ key to retail success

Apple’s retail supremo Angela Ahrendts has handed down pearls of wisdom on how to make retail staff feel loved, in a valuable lesson for anyone running customer-facing sales teams. Getting new staff to stay the course in tech sales can often be difficult, with a consequent knock-on effect on the ability to build customer …
Joe Fay, 28 Jan 2016

Apple's Tim Cook rocks up at Vatican - one week after Schmidt

The leader of one the world’s biggest religions was due to meet the pope today, leaving some Vatican watchers wondering if the pontiff has discovered a new form of Friday self-sacrifice. Apple Tim Cook was due at the Vatican around 11.30 local time for a 15 minute chinwag with Pope Francis. Cook’s visit comes hard on the heels …
Joe Fay, 22 Jan 2016

Puppet Labs guards cash pile, gets chilly over IPO plans

Puppet Labs has laid out plans to scale up its R&D and sales operations, after tapping a credit line and apparently putting plans for a Spring IPO on ice. The IT automation vendor said last May that it expected to hit revenues of around $100m in 2015, and to make a stock market debut this spring. However, while last year saw …
Joe Fay, 20 Jan 2016


Frank Jennings

What do you do? Use manual typwriters or live in a Scottish croft? Our man advises
A rusty petrol pump at an abandoned gas station. Pic by Silvia B. Jakiello via shutterstock

Trevor Pott

Among other things, Active Directory needs an overhaul
Baby looks taken aback/shocked/affronted. Photo by Shutterstock

Kat Hall

Plans for 2 million FTTP connections in next four years 'not enough'
Microsoft CEO Satya Nadella


League of gentlemen poster - Tubbs and Edward at the local shop. Copyright BBC
One reselling man tells his tale of woe