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By | Simon Sharwood 2nd June 2015 07:29

Intel imagines chips in nappies to create the Internet of sh*t things

We have a CODE BROWN down there, repeat CODE BROWN

Computex 2015 If you think the Internet of Things (IoT) is a steaming pile of you-know-what, Intel's kind-of confirmed your suspicions by backing a team that's imagined an internet-connected nappy (diaper for North American readers).

Computex 2015 is full of folks spruiking the internet of stuff. On the show floor you can hardly move for video cameras, sensors and associated networking kit.

Intel's taken things a step further, revealing today that one of the “maker” teams its encouraged to play with its Edison platform has created a prototype internet-connected nappy (diaper).

The idea's simple: nappies of the future will include a sensor, or you'll get your tot to wear one, and when your offspring's alimentary canals produce waste you'll get a warning on your smartphone. WiFi produces too much energy to ensure the viability of infant innards, so Bluetooth LE gets the job of telling you about the presence of something brown or yellow.

For now, the nappy is full of an Intel Edison system and its host board. The pair certainly have enough grunt to squeeze out some data: there's a dual core Atom at 500Mhz in there, along with 1GB of RAM and 4GB of flash to store … let's leave that to the imagination.

Before your correspondent's children were toilet trained, their mother and I employed a sophisticated remote olfactory sensing technology to determine whether their pants were full. That biological device had a remarkable range and never ran out of batteries but was susceptible to viruses, which could reduce its sensitivity by inducing unusual flows of mucus.

Future parents, it seems, may be spared that marvellous part of child-rearing.

Intel and its makers did not, however, discuss a solution for the nastiest part of the job, namely the bit involving wet wipes. Your correspondent will report if such a device can be found on the show floor. ®

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