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By | Robin Lettice 10th November 2007 12:02

Never use an internet translator to hire a gorilla

Butthash and flying cows inside

Comments In a possible bid for Mum of the Year (or the intervention of social services, depending on your views on such things), a Nottinghamshire woman sent a stripper to her son's school for his 16th birthday. So stunned was the teacher that she allowed the show to continue, as the boy was whipped and led around on a leash, until the stripper urged the boy to rub cream on her buttocks. The birthday boy then fled the scene. His mother maintains that she intended to send a gorilla, which in itself raises worrying implications.

Thats not fair, that stuff never happened when I went to that school!!

Anthony Sims

at least the poor kid wasn't asked to rub whipped cream on the rear end of a guy in a gorilla suit.

Anonymous Coward

What? You mean that's not how everyone celebrates their 16th?

Does anyone have the number of a good therapist?

I feel sorry for the guy on his stag night that got the gorilla.


What I'm wondering is if the Gorilla was supposed to strip and they sent the wrong kind of stripper in error, rather than the wrong kind of act altogether.

Darren Burrows

"It apparently was enough for the honoured guest of this show, since he "ran out of the classroom while the stripper calmly packed her bag and left"."

Anyone who suggests that he ran to a toilet cubicle to rub one out while her image was still fresh in his mind is a filthy rumour-mongrel of the lowest order and I condemn them thoroughly.

A diplomatic brouhaha was sparked by the unwise use of an online translation engine by a group of Israeli journalists. Intending to ask the Dutch Foreign Minister about a trip to the Netherlands, they ended up sending him questions in broken English about "the sleeping arrangements of his mother". The Dutch Foreign Ministry is on the verge of filing a formal complaint, but just because they lack a sense of humour, that doesn't mean we have to:

Bwahaha! Oh, that is so grass! Turtle me a new newspaper, thought journalist BabelFish fodder 鞄 yourself.

yeah, right.

"Meanwhile, the poor Babel fish, by effectively removing all barriers between communications, has caused more and bloodier wars than anything else in existence."

- The Hitchhikers' Guide to the Galaxy (1978)

How prophetic...

Guy Gregory

My hovercraft is full of eels.

Anonymous Coward

Well, put it simply, at least it has joking value. I used to share this piece of babelfish joke: whenever a chinese sentence contains the word "dry", it automatically becomes "f*ck" when spitted out from babelfish, because they happen to be the same word (though meaning is vastly different). So "dry beef" becomes "f*ck the cow meat" :-)

If you're going to watch Olympics in Beijing, and you happen to be lucky when ordering meal, you might still see this hilarious stuff in restaurant menu :-)


When Jimmy Carter visited Poland in the seventies his translator translated the President's admiration for the Polish nation to "I want to sleep with every Pole". Russian O Level is a loong time ago, but I recall "go for a walk" can be a little racy according to context :-)

Rupert Fiennes

A minivan was heavily damaged by a falling cow, leaving the owners shocked but unhurt. The cow was euthanised. You suspected foul play, or cracked udderly awful jokes:

Did the cow jump over the moon or was it pushed?

Robert Harrison

maybe it was a lemming in a cow suit???


Maybe a few thousand of the buggers constructed an articulated cow suit before leaping off the cliff. Thinking on it though, they might have been better off picking a bird of some sort.

I'll never complain when it's raining cats and dogs again.


This really is udderly ridiculous. A mooving and tragic tail of bovine ballistics. A humble creature hoofing it after teatering on the edge. One can only speculate on what thoughts were curdling in the animal's mind.

I'm sure people will be milking it for all it's worth...

Gareth Harmer

There is a new menace threatening our children, apparently: huffing fermented turds. While it's not the first thing we'd consider on a night out, it seems the methane gas can cause hallucinations and fainting. Believe the hype; 'Butthash' is a clear and present danger to our kids. Maybe.

where do you think the expression "that's good shit" comes from!

Anonymous Coward

I tried this LOAD's of times and didn't get any effect's. I think it might be a trick!

Dave Alderson

I think they should send teams of police and drug education workers to schools and colleges before this takes off.

I started on Jenkem about 4 months ago and now I'm mainlining cat's pee. It's just one big downward spiral. (Have you ever tried catching them? It's really difficult.)

Warn the kids before it's too late!!!!!

Anonymous Coward

I don't mean to pooh-pooh the article, I'm sure to some readers it caused excrement, I mean excitement. But to me it all sounds like a steaming pile of rubbish. A waste, in fact, of words that could otherwise have discussed something more manure, I mean mature.

I'm guano go get my coat now...

A. Lewis

This brings new meaning to being hooked on crack. Still, the fact that the police are mooning over it is truly asinine. I hope they don't get too anal about enforcement - they might end up the butt of many jokes....

David Wiernicki

Enough! You're all making asses of yourselves. ®

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